You know that feeling where you go into a situation totally set. You’ve got your lines down, your game face on, you can make this shot. Then the actual situation passes in a blur, and you walk away thinking, “Wait a second…” I've come away from a lot of situations lately with that nagging feeling, and I always come back to the same phrase: “The things we think and do not say.” Initially, I just assumed it must be a Shakespeare quote, maybe the title of a Faulkner short story, it just sounds so damn poetic. But finally giving into my curiosity and the almighty Google, I did a quick search... Jerry. Maguire. Of course! I thought. How could I not remember one of the great quotes from one of my all-time favorite movies! My excitement was quickly replaced by embarrassment, however, as here I was at my computer, watching a clip of Tom Cruise have "a breakthrough. Breakdown? Breakthrough." And just a few yards away, Tom Cruise was having a similar breakthrough in the scene we're shooting that day.
But I find it interesting that there are things I think and do not say all the time, both at work and outside of work. What's more, those at work have a tendency to work for me, while those in life have a tendency to undermine me. I don't know if that speaks more to the nature of my work or to the work of my nature. Yes, I work with an assortment of "sharks in suits," and sure, there are days where "I hate my place in the world." But I think more than anything these diametrically opposing phenomena are characteristic of a work/life balance that I just haven't seemed to figure out yet.
I'll admit such a realization might be a little touchy-feely. One could argue that a healthy work/life balance is about as attainable as the Holy Grail. But I think the film industry is especially susceptible to that dilemma. When working on average 80-90 hours a week in a self-contained, autonomous community, it's easy to see why there are times I feel closer to my on-set "brothers" than my actual brothers (ok, maybe that's a bit exaggerated...). But the bonds I've made with the people I've worked with are intense, seemingly irrevocable, until we are ripped apart by those four little words.
"That's a picture wrap!"
And I confess that part of me really loves that kind of lifestyle. I was talking with an old high school friend earlier tonight, who's curious about entering the film industry, and I told her that, in many ways, the film industry is like high school or college. Projects only last somewhere between two and four months, so a bad job is like a bad class. Sucks you got a bad grade on the first exam and the teacher picks on you. But hunker down, get through it, because eventually all bad classes/jobs come to an end.
"That's a picture wrap!"
And like that, I'm back to my first day of a new semester, trying to make friends with the new kids...
I'll admit such a realization might be a little touchy-feely. One could argue that a healthy work/life balance is about as attainable as the Holy Grail. But I think the film industry is especially susceptible to that dilemma. When working on average 80-90 hours a week in a self-contained, autonomous community, it's easy to see why there are times I feel closer to my on-set "brothers" than my actual brothers (ok, maybe that's a bit exaggerated...). But the bonds I've made with the people I've worked with are intense, seemingly irrevocable, until we are ripped apart by those four little words.
"That's a picture wrap!"
And I confess that part of me really loves that kind of lifestyle. I was talking with an old high school friend earlier tonight, who's curious about entering the film industry, and I told her that, in many ways, the film industry is like high school or college. Projects only last somewhere between two and four months, so a bad job is like a bad class. Sucks you got a bad grade on the first exam and the teacher picks on you. But hunker down, get through it, because eventually all bad classes/jobs come to an end.
"That's a picture wrap!"
And like that, I'm back to my first day of a new semester, trying to make friends with the new kids...
But the thing that makes work so great, I think, is that you're almost expected not to say the things you think. Barriers are inevitably set up at work, a certain professional detachment is commonplace. And apparently I live for that. But, to quote a guilty-pleasure show I've occasionally indulged in, "At some point, you have to make a decision. Boundaries don't keep other people out. They fence you in. So you can waste your lives drawing lines. Or you can live your life crossing them." And that's where things have gotten murky in my life. On the off chance that I actually dare to cross the line, the things I'm thinking are racing so fast, I trip over trying to say them and invariably recoil back within my boundaries.
So what am I getting at? I suppose it is the realization that, at least for now, my work is my life. And in the words of Jerry's mentor, the late great Dickey Fox, "The key to this business is personal relationships." So I will continue to foster personal relationships at work and, as best I can, in life. Hopefully that line will eventually fade and those boundaries will break down, and I will "become the me I was meant to be."
No comments:
Post a Comment